Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Monday March 21st 1:13pm.

Well not quite.. I’m on the train. Getting butterflies and worrying about the fact I should have set off earlier and so forth. Think I’m going to have a crack at writing some material. I don’t think I can prepare anymore or do anything much else. Might write a bit of my set on my hand for psychological comfort but to be honest I know it off by heart by now. I might also recite it to Wootus in the car. It’ll be good for him.

This really might be my last Virgin comedy entry... unless something terrible happens.

Which I'm sure it won't.

NM

Monday, February 27, 2006

Monday March 21st 4:11am

It’s the night before I do it. To be honest I’ve been sort of pushing it out of my mind. I don’t think I could have prepared my memory any better, I can remember the whole set without much difficulty. I’m going to drift off to sleep with it playing away again tonight. I’ll practice my delivery during the day after I’ve had a sleep. Woo shit!! My nerves are coming and going. I get a sudden surge of horror followed by another surge of massive confidence. I need to ignore the horror when I go turn it on. I saw a picture of the Frog and Bucket audience size on the website a few hours ago when I was double checking the address. It filled me with fear for a moment and then excitement at what I’m actually going to do.

I like the idea of having my haircut today. I think it’ll focus me and bring out my more exhibitionist side. I’m also planning to have the beard shaved off as well. Just to go the whole hog. It’ll hopefully give me a feeling of transformation. I think I need that now. It’s the right time. Whoo shit. I’m really excited. Whoo shit I’m really excited by the whole thing. A big adventure. Crikey. Hope it all goes well.

Next entry and I’ll have done it!

NM

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Sunday 20th March 3am

Oh dear. It’s the night before the night before and to be fair my moods have been awful. I’m really genuinely worried about how this goes when to be honest I should be just treating it as fun. I’ve been blaming my career and anything else that I can think of for the mood I’m in. In reality I think it’s just nerves about doing this stand-up. I need to learn to control my mind more. I suspect that this subconscious programming route is the way forward.

I recited my material to my Mum today while we took Fred the dog round the park (possibly for the last time as he’s ill at the moment). Tom’s words on the phone summed this up perfectly “what confidence you gained in knowing that you do know your material has been lost twice over by your mum’s reaction”. He’s right. I need to stop reciting it to people. Save it for the gig. Go and fu#king do it. See how it goes then. Silly.

The rest of the call to Tom was full of nice advice like, just enjoy it now. You’ll be fine etc. Nothing particularly insightful. He read me some more of his material. It was good. He’s becoming very productive. I feel I should keep writing. I’m going to get cracking after this diary entry on some stuff actually. Ye gods! I’m shi#ting it one minute and fine the next.

There’s been a strange sense of excitement which has now turned into one of slow creeping fear. That sounds over dramatic so if you want to understand where I’m coming from cut some of the edge off that statement and there we are. Thereabouts. I can’t really express my nerves to you rationally because they are by their very nature irrational. They’re driven by my subconscious and my body. There’s really no rational reason to be nervous. It’ll be fine.

Have just been reading a pi#s funny transcript of a bloke who took mescaline as an experiment on telly. It’s very funny. Never broadcast apparently. No justice. It would have been great.

NM

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Saturday March 19th 4:44am

I’m off to sleep now, I’m going to be listening to my stand-up as I drift off.

NM

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

March 18th Friday 7pm

I’m on a train. I’ve got the week off and I intend to conquer the Manchester comedy scene during it. Well. I’m going to do some open mic spots in it anyway. Sweating like a pig at the moment. Not sure if it’s because the train’s so hot or if it’s because of the atkins diet and all the gym trips I’ve done recently. No way of knowing. I have lost some weight though over the time I’ve been writing this diary. I’m now down to about 14 ½ stone. Not bad going. I’m after a weight of 13 stone. That’d be my ideal weight. Good lord I stink of sweat at the moment. Nasty.

I’m fairly confident that I know my material at the moment. It’s sort of engraved in my brain. The only thing I lack is genuine confidence in my material. I need to think about growing that over the weekend. I’m not sure how. I should really have got on with this self hypnosis stuff. I feel very focused on it at the moment though. I slept for ages on the couch before and I think that I’ve transformed from radio DJ into comedian wannabe over that period. Actually take wannabe out of that sentence I’m all up for this, and I’m not a wannabe baby!

Well...

NM

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

March 16, Wednesday 2005

A depressing end to the day. Right, I’ll start from the beginning. Firstly I woke up and pottered about as usual. Matt came back so I made myself a nice breakfast and ate with him. Then he went back to work and I carried on pottering about. We went to the gym together around 6pm did some exercise and listened back to my stand-up material. I think that went quite well. I feel like I can recite the material to a fairly high degree of accuracy at the moment. Went into work after preparing here and re-viewing Nathan Barley on video with Matt. It’s quite good as a sitcom but mainly because it’s got Chris Morris’ name on it.

Then when I came in to work I discovered we'd recieved a serious complaint. Frankly the most depressing news I've recieved for a while.

So, onto the comedy. I think I can recite it fairly accurately and tomorrow I intend to perform it a few times in the front room. Me and James are going to the gym around 3.30pm tomorrow and I’ll do some more rote learning. Just realised I’ve left my mini disc in the car. Best go and get it out now so I can drift off to sleep with it playing in my ears.

NM

Monday, February 20, 2006

March 15th Tuesday 2005

Didn’t get the stand-up learned via mini disc today. Had loads of bonkers problems involving a lost MD player. Then a lost MD. Arrgh!! However, not as bad as it could have been. I had lost my MD player but it had been handed in at the gym. Great! Once all that was sorted did a couple of hours in the gym with Piekos. Going to do the same tomorrow just this time equipped with MD and MD player! Eggcellent. Practiced some more at work. Worth doing I think.

Talked to Tom as well today he gave me bits of advice about eye contact with audience. Really nervous!!!

NM

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Sunday March 14th 2005 4:23pm

Look at that! A whole week with no updates. It’s a combination of nerves and doing fu*k all that’s related to comedy. Had a couple of conversations with Tom but have spent most of last week largely pretending that it’s not going to happen.

Drank loads this weekend.

I’m going to try and make this week the exact opposite. Lots of practising during the day. Lots of working at it at night. I’ve been putting the newer stand-up material onto mini disc tonight. Getting it ready. Keep going from shitting my pants to excited. Going to the gym today later with James Piekos going to bust some serious moves with this stand-up.

NM

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Sunday March 6th 3:06pm

Sat in Jodie’s front room watching some daft soap opera. Went out on the drinkies last night. Got very drunk. Jodie woke me up with a surprise. Was in a bad mood ‘til she did that. Typical first thing in the morning hangover blues.. didn’t know they could be so effectively cured. Gunna ring mum in a bit, it’s Mother’s day today. Gunna have a pop at writing some stuff in a moment.

NM

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Saturday March 5, 2005 --- 2:55AM

Am at Jodie’s. Woke up about 6 today. Getting a bit tired of waking up really late in the day. Need to get back into a more conventional sleep pattern. That said, there’s fu#k all to do during the day. Debating the merits and drawbacks of doing a music show on Hallam FM. Unsure if it’d be worthwhile. Going to do a demo pretty soon of it and see what we think. I feel a bit bad but really we might have no choice. Still doesn’t mean I’m going to do it. I might do a demo and they might hate it. We’ll see.

In terms of comedy I’m quite excited now about my set. It’s picking up and the fact Tom liked the Gandhi stuff means I’ve got more confidence in my writing prowess improving as I go along. His clearly has from what I’ve heard of his stuff. I think mine will also. So much so that I’m off to write some more stuff. It occurred to me as I loaded up this diary that I could of course turn this into stand-up material. How successful that’d be I don’t know. But it might be fun.

NM

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

The Gandhi Bit...

2006 NB

This is the bit which caused so much controversey in my very small world around the time this diary was being written, it's very silly:

Gandhi once said “an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind”.

Actually it’d leave one bloke, with one eye, left over

And everyone concerned would be annoyed.

So perhaps Gandhi should have said:

“An eye for an eye leaves the whole world, annoyed

and most people entirely blind..

Apart from one bloke who’d have one eye”.

Add to that another quote:

“In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king.”

So perhaps Gandi should have said:

“An eye for an eye leaves the whole world, annoyed

and most people entirely blind

Apart from one bloke whose got one eye, and he’s the king.”

If I was him I imagine I wouldn’t bother wearing a crown.

You’d only be wearing it for your own benefit.

You’d feel a bit silly.

Another famous quote.

“Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely”

So perhaps Gandhi should have said:

“An eye for an eye leaves the whole world annoyed

and most people entirely blind,

Apart from one bloke whose got one eye,

And he’s their corrupt king

Who probably doesn’t bother wearing a crown..

No point really.. messes up his hair”

I told all this to a mate of mine and he said..

Here’s another saying for you Nick: “No one likes a smart arse”

That’s true I took it on the chin.

So perhaps Gandhi should have said..

Ah- Nothing at all.

Saves a lot of confusion.

Friday March 4th 3:39am

The lesson I have learned, I’ve just pieced it together today, is that your state of mind is crucial to this comedy lark. I’ve clearly over the last few days lost faith in my material and my ability a bit. The material itself hasn’t changed at all over this period but my attitude has. I allowed myself to be a bit disheartened by Ben’s reaction to it and then allowed myself a bit more negativity throughout the week. I’d already decided it was good enough to get laughs and be performed but my mindset changed and we’re in trouble.

Therefore I need to work as hard as I can to keep a positive mindset throughout this whole experience. Makes sense. If I wanna make people laugh it’ll work better if I’m in a good mood when I get on stage and in the run up to it. This hobby, at its best, is a pleasant escape from the tedium of the real world. I’m making it into a hassle. I’m getting too fixated on it and so turning it into a chore. It doesn’t have to be. Hence my plan is to try and really learn and put into practice this lesson I’ve learned about the importance of mindset.

I’m now off to drink a few beers, have a smoke and re-write my stand-up!

NM

Monday, February 13, 2006

2000 and 5ive - Thursday March 3rd 6:14pm

Oh double dear. Just been talking to Tom Binns. I read him some of my Gandhi stuff and he thinks it’s better than the fart stuff so he thinks I should put it in. Fu#k. That’s a minor worry. Still it gives me a bit of flexibility with the set. It’d be a better opener. Dunno, going to have a crack at it soon.

There’s talk of me doing a music show again on Hallam FM. The figures for the phone in are really high but there been a lot of trouble behind the scenes.

NM

Sunday, February 12, 2006

2005 Thursday March 3rd 4:22AM

Oh dear. My mind really hasn't been on comedy recently. Off to write some new stuff for fun.

NM

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Tuesday March 1, 2005 6:40pm

Was chatting to Tom this morning about some of the new stuff he’s done. I read him my farts stuff again he says it just needs to be done infront of an audience now. He also says he’s been booed by an audience! It’s quite amazing really, it was over some of his gay material.. bonkers. It's not offensive stuff - just sounds like it was a rowdy audience.

NM

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Monday, February 28, 2005 and it’s 3.31 am

I’m in a sort of bad mood. This is always the case on Sunday.

I’m drinking some of this low carb beer that was left in the fridge from the weekend. I’ve got three bottles. I might get tiddly if I drink them all. Great! Not going to make a habit of drinking beer on my own though. Even worse for you than fags!

Tomorrow I intend to ring Tom and read out my stand-up to him again. Dunno if that’s a good idea or not. Actually maybe not. We’ll see if he rings me. I’d like to know how his last gig went. My confidence in the stand-up is quite low at the moment. I wish I’d done that “self-talk” tape but I haven’t. One thing is I don’t want anyone else to hear it. Perhaps I should do it on Mini Disc only. I was originally thinking of doing it on CD but it’d be really embarrassing for anyone else to hear. Ooh, I’ve got a number to call for a gig in London. F#ck! Forgot to get it off my computer at work.

Okay anyway, I’m off to chill infront of the telly and watch this “Director’s Commentary” disc I borrowed off Ben. It’s got Rob Brydon talking over old TV programmes. Might be good.

NM

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Sunday, February 27, 5:43

Just been sat writing sh#t. I’m going to bed now. In a slightly better mood than I was when I wrote the above entry. Lots of stuff to do tonight. Self talk stuff is one. Re-record my stand-up is another. It’d be nice to go to the gym as well today. Sleep first though.

NM

Monday, February 06, 2006

February 27th, Sunday, 3:46am

Okay, I’m starting to loose faith a bit in my material. I shouldn’t be but I am. Recited it to Jodie and it got a very bad response. I need to stop telling it to people. It’s not a good idea. I need to memorise it properly as well. I need to read it into a MD again and then start pumping it into my head. I think it’s also time to read it to Tom again and see what he thinks. I’m worried about doing that because I can't make major changes to it now. I want to perform the stuff I’ve got.

I’m also starting to worry about this “one Irish gag” for Beat The Frog. As I don’t really know what a “gag” is I can’t think of anything to do there. If asked I’m going to say my Grandma was Irish.

Tsk. Still, I’m slowly losing weight and the huge bags which lived under my eyes during my smoking period are going. They’ve almost faded completely. Bonkers. It’s taken me longer to recover this time but I’m never going to smoke fags EVER again. Filthy evil fuc#ing things…

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Saturday: February 26, 10:05AM

Yesterday I went to the gym with James, that was fun. Afterwards I hooked up with Ben and made the mistake of telling him some of my set.

Didn’t get a great response.

It’s not going to knock my confidence.

I’m cool. It’s good to remind myself that the set is far from invincible. After that Jodie came round and we got some “Low Carb” beer for me. I’m not sure I approve of how much I drink at the moment. I’m also not sure I enjoy this post-drink depression you sink into for the early hours of the morning.

NM

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Friday: February 25th 5:50

Did I do that self talk tape? Did I fu#k. I just farted about after the show. Flicked through a few websites and talked to James a bit. Rubbish!

However it’s been a good day as regards the stand-up. Firstly I recited the whole thing to Matt Mackay without much of a problem. I also performed the first bit of it on air and got laughs from the visible audience of the security guard and Steve the producer and the caller who was on at the time. It felt good performing it to a new audience who haven’t heard it. I think I’ll get laughs on stage. I really do. I started off being positive because I knew I’d need to be if I was going to pull this off. Now I just feel genuinely positive about it.

Went to the Lescar and watched Toby Foster and some other bloke who plays a part in Phoenix nights. He plays the part of Kenny Senior. He was very funny. Toby was on fine form as well. Also, they had a camera crew in from Channel 4.

I always feel good after no-topic night. It was a great show as always and we were jammed for calls. That show sometimes has a life of its own. Tonight was one of those nights.

NM

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

2005 Thursday: 24th February 6:20pm

Going to go to the comedy club again this week. See whats happening as regards comedy. As my confidence builds I’ve started thinking maybe I could try and get on the bill on the Thursday of the week we’re doing open mic. It’d be a better conclusion to things than this thing in Preston. As it looks at the moment it could well be a decreasing audience size through the week.

Need to do this self-talk business pretty soon. Might get cracking on it tonight. Here’s a few of the messages I’m going to hammer into my sub-conscious: “I’m a confident person” , “I enjoy talking in front of large groups of people”, “I have a great memory”, “I’m very organised these days”, “I will perform my comedy flawlessly leaving the correct spaces for laughs” “I’m loosing weight and will soon be 13.5 stone”. They’re the sort of things I want to get lodged in there. Need to record it onto a mini-disc, or even better get it onto a CD and loop the fu-ker so it’s 80 minutes of it. If it works happy days. If not, no harm done.

Jolly good.

NM